January 13, 2012
“We are so scared of being judged that we look for every excuse to procrastinate.”
― Erica Jong, Seducing the Demon: Writing for My Life
I used to judge people. It’s a long story of personal evolution. I like to think I don’t do it anymore, but honestly, sometimes I do.
The most recent wrath of my judgment was with a “sustainable home” in own neighborhood a few years ago. I watched as this huge “Sustainable Home” imported materials from over the globe and used heaps of energy to build. I tried to attend the open home with an open mind, but I was particularly upset by the plastic, the imported furniture and the cotton sheets from China. I hoped that a little more effort and consciousness would have been weaved into the final product. I wished that it had bamboo bathmats, recycled art, or at least, locally made furniture. I became quite self riotous and bitchy about the whole thing.
It wasn’t pretty.
These people were at least trying. Their focus was power generation, and on that front they did a relatively good job.
My tendency to judge is something that I think about with Arithmetic Village.
Math is not my thing.
Who am I do write, create and distribute a math program?
I am not Math Mom “Let’s Play Math” or any other of the extraordinary people who are out there passionate about math as a subject. I am more passionate about HOW a subject is taught than the subject itself. Math through personification excites me, not the pythagorean theorem. (although I do know the pythagorean theorem as my Algebra 2 tutar made me repeat it over and over and over…)
So, now I am getting close to presenting my new version and really, really launch Arithmetic Village, and am getting nervous. Why would I feel uneasy presenting this great program to people who know more and are extremely passionate about Math? Probably because of my own self righteousness when confronted by people who know just a little about something that I have studied for a long time.
I need to grow up and get on with it but I am secretly hoping the mathematics community is more gracious and less judgmental than myself.