Teacher.

Debbie was not a warm and fuzzy teacher.

She didn’t smile, but she didn’t frown.

She focused on the children, was firm, kind and direct.

I never saw anything like it.

One three-year old was having a fit. This child didn’t want to put on her shoes to go outside and it was a rule.

She wiggled on the ground squirming this way and that, she screamed loudly and pounded her fists.

Debbie ignored her. When she did stop, the teacher asked calmly, “Are you done?”

The child stared at her blankly.

“I’m here if you want help with your shoes… or are you going to do that kicking thing a bit more? Now that was interesting.”

The child stared at her, then said, “But I don’t want to put my shoes on!”

Debbie replies, “Oh, so you  have a problem. I wonder how you are going to solve it.”

Sometimes I hear Debbie whispering into my ear, “It looks like you have a problem, Kim, I wonder how you are going to solve it…”.   Then I stop kicking, regroup and figure out what I’m going to do.

I think she taught me more than my daughter.

But….

I don’t know where I first heard it, probably TV psycho-babble.  It is something that stuck with me and has changed the way I communicate. I enjoy listening to other people use it in conversation and I pay extra close attention when I use the word.

What is it?

BUT.

When you say “but”, it really means,”Please disregard what I just said, now I’m going to tell you what I really think…”.

As in “I like your dress, but the back is too low” or “I see your point, but I think…” or “I would never take your dog, but if it follows me….”

Do yourselves a favor and only listen to the second half of the sentence, after anyone says the word “but”. Especially, listen you yourself, if you use it often.

Age range..

Years ago, a friend was so excited about Arithmetic Village. That was wonderful, I love excitement about my projects. But then she suggested that I run a maths program for a bunch of four-year old boys. I politely declined.  I did not create this program so younger children could understand math at a younger age. I created it so when children did start to learn math, that it was introduced in a different way, a more gentle way, a right-brained way. I created it because I wanted all children, not just Waldorf children who were introduced to lovely math gnomes, to experience math creatively.

Gender neutral?

When I was young, I was convinced that differences in gender were the result of social conditioning.

I knew it.

Of course this theory was part of an ongoing rant and search for equity. I was not afraid of the word feminist, I looked it up and it did not mandate I stop shaving, grab a  rainbow VW van and have a lesbian fling.

So there.

My first year at University, I took a class called “The psychology of the female personality”.  This was just the class I needed to prove my theory right. Then, the professor told us this story….

She had a son. She gave him a doll. This was the 70′s and she was very proud of herself. He loved that doll the first day and she smiled. She thought “I can change the world”.

The next day, she looked out her window at her son playing in the back yard. Then she looked again. He was making a big mud puddle. that’s nice she thought. She watched him go back and forth to and from the outside tap. She looked closely, what was he using for the bucket – it had hair?

HE WAS USING THE DOLLS HEAD AS A BUCKET.

I have three girls. I raise them in a gender neutral sort of way. They have trucks. They play ball. They love mud. They all three have very different personalities. One is incredibly impatient and has violent tendencies. One’s favorite color at four-years was orange, the next one’s color was black and the last one’s favorite color is pinkandpurple (yes, one word).  One has aspergers, which is considered to be a “male” brain. Despite all of this, none of my daughters have ever considered taking off a dolls head to use it for something practical.