August 27, 2011
Another bag sorted. I look at the exhausted curly-haired teen sprawled on her bed. “What do you want to do with this?” I ask her as I hold the empty dingy bag up for her see. “Goodwill?” I ask hopefully.
“My bag. I need my bag!” she said ,then stopped and stared. “Wow I won’t need my bag” she said dreamily.
That’s when it hit me. My daughters only consistency the last six years was a bag.
Whether we like it or not, blended families are a reality. But there has to be a better solution than the back and forth my children endured.
My first instinct after my marriage was over, was to buy a home and put it in the kid’s names. Their dad and I would split the expenses and rotate in and out. He wasn’t keen and this type of arrangement requires copious amounts of trust and cooperation, two of the main obstacles in our marriage.
When I first met James, he said that in these situations, one parent has to love the children enough to bow out gracefully, so the children can get on with their lives. He said this of course before he had his own child.
So time went on and no one bowed out and finally my children sleep under my roof most of the time. I don’t have to double-check for every sleep over or dentist appointment.
Life flows gracefully without missing shoes or uniforms.
And for now, the bags have been replaced by suitcases twice a year.
And I couldn’t be happier.