When no one is looking, I am brilliant…

October 12, 2011

When I was in college, my boyfriend lived in a house that had a very impressive drum set. One night, with a crowd of girls in the room, I picked up the sticks. Man was I good! My mom always said I had natural rhythm,  I was so happy, playing singing, pounding.
Then the boyfriend came in..

My groove was interrupted. I tried again,  I was completely off, laughable.

When no one was looking, I was brilliant, but as soon as someone I cared about entered the room, I skipped a beat.

But that was when I was young, in my early 20’s. Now that I am in my mid forties, surely I would have evolved, grown.

But sometimes I find glimpses of that younger self. I go through life happily, confidently, then I might need a bit of help- especially around computing.  As soon as James offers to help me, I leave it all to him. If he asks a question, I avoid it, I don’t even try, I know my rhythm is gone and I put the sticks down. I don’t even bother to attempt competency.

This bothers me about myself. I hope I have a handle on my confidence by the time I’m 80.

Because someday I’d like to be brilliant when someone is looking.


2 Responses to “When no one is looking, I am brilliant…”

  1. Hmmmmm. Frankly I would like to be brilliant when someone is looking and I am 61. I always wanted to have everything worked out by 60. The other day a dear friend of mine who is in her 80’s was visiting with me. She began to cry about something that was bothering her in her relationship with her sister. I said, “Gosh I thought by the time a person was 80 they would have it all worked out!” She stopped crying and started laughing. “Don’t count on it”, was her reply.

    The truth is our whole life is about working stuff out. I am beginning to think there will never be a time when we aren’t less than brilliant in something. Keeps us humble and working. : )

  2. kimberlymoore Says:

    I always enjoy your thoughtful comments! x

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