When no one is looking, I am brilliant…
October 12, 2011
When I was in college, my boyfriend lived in a house that had a very impressive drum set. One night, with a crowd of girls in the room, I picked up the sticks. Man was I good! My mom always said I had natural rhythm, I was so happy, playing singing, pounding.
Then the boyfriend came in..
My groove was interrupted. I tried again, I was completely off, laughable.
When no one was looking, I was brilliant, but as soon as someone I cared about entered the room, I skipped a beat.
But that was when I was young, in my early 20’s. Now that I am in my mid forties, surely I would have evolved, grown.
But sometimes I find glimpses of that younger self. I go through life happily, confidently, then I might need a bit of help- especially around computing. As soon as James offers to help me, I leave it all to him. If he asks a question, I avoid it, I don’t even try, I know my rhythm is gone and I put the sticks down. I don’t even bother to attempt competency.
This bothers me about myself. I hope I have a handle on my confidence by the time I’m 80.
Because someday I’d like to be brilliant when someone is looking.