November 8, 2011
My next book, a grown up one, will be about a relationship with a man who is clear in his resolve. I enjoy weaving in and out of different social scenarios. This man chooses not to, usually because of principal. My principles can be more like bendy straws, or summer breezes. His are steel rods.
The thing about being in a relationship a person like this, is that sometimes you bend to things you bend to their resolve. I don’t mind this. The second-hand clothes, there’re cool. Local, organic, ethical food- yum! Composting every last food scrap? Yay worms. I like our chickens, farm visits and long hikes. But, I still take long hot showers, and use a little fluoride in my toothpaste.
I am firm in my personal boundaries and reserve the right to blow away as I wish.
But lately, I have come up against the police department. I was fined a parking ticket for a car I sold years ago and no longer own. My calm refusal to pay it under the direction of my lovely partners advice, well, made the person in charge of the case explode a bit, when you have a person on the other end of the phone who says, “listen little missy.. ” you know you’ve touched a nerve.
As soon as that battle was “won”, mysteriously another fine from three years ago, that was dismissed was magically “re-heard”. Ironically this fine is twice as much, and has demerit points attached.
So I didn’t really “win”.
I want to just pay the unfair fine.
My partner wants justice.
I want justice as well, but I’m worn down. I’m tired of being scared that I’ll get another threatening phone call, or higher fines. I’m tired of seeing letters in the mail box from the New Zealand Police Department with my name on them.
I know the system is broken and the way to fix it is to stand up, but all I want to do is take a nap. I wish it was his name on the correspondence, because lately, I feel like a pawn in the justice department game. I know I have created this, somehow, for some reason, , but I am having a hard time figuring out why, so I just want to quit, move on. The conflict does not serve me and is not fun.
I am disappointed in myself for not being a revolutionary for justice, but I have dinner to make and books to write…
Maybe this could be the next chapter?