Ask.

All three children were safe and supervised elsewhere.

Time for work.

I chose bed instead.

Two hours later I sat at my desk, staring blankly  the wall.

Five books.

Due soon.

I attempt the computer program again. To simply shrink an image. The symbols make no sense. Why does everyone else get this? Is it too much to expect a computer to read my mind? Really? Even in 2011?

I shared my problem with my reluctant partner (reluctant to discuss my relationship with computers, not reluctant to be my partner. 🙂 )
He says,”Maybe you need a team.” (oh how I hate this argument I am superwoman!)
“Maybe computers just aren’t your thing.”
I sink further into my funk.
Five books.
Two months.

People are waiting.

tick tick tick tick tick tick tick tick……..
I almost skip my business support meeting. I couldn’t face it.

Reluctantly I went. (To get out of cooking dinner.)

Maybe they will skip me.

They don’t.

I share my dilemma. I almost cry, but hold it together. (It is a business meeting, for Pete’s sake.)

They tell me..”It sounds like you just need someone to input your drawings, and make a few adjustments.”

Yes I say.

I love drawing. Drawing is not the problem.  The layout and rendering are the problem.

Yes, I need someone to help me. I will not be superwoman. I am not a graphic artist.

I visualize a mum I know. She has these skills. I will find some way to contact her.

It is decided.
I drive home a different route.
I see a woman and child walking.
The road is empty and so are the sidewalks.
All except me and them.
It is that woman.

I pull over and we talk.

Is she available for work?

Yes, she says, her schedule just freed up.
We are having our first meeting next week.
Ask and you shall receive.

Sometimes you just need to know what to ask for.

Against the odds.

Here I am 22 years ago with an adorable baby.

This child was born into interesting circumstances. His parent’s wedding was planned around his fathers high school track meet. His mother dropped out of her first year of university. The young 18-year-old father got  a job at the mill.  His young mother worked the late shift at Denny’s to help out. They lived in a trailer, eighteen months later they had another chid, a daughter. Two children before the age of 21. This was a bit of a tradition on the dad’s side of the family, he was born to a sixteen year old.

You know the story.

You know how it usually ends. (or repeats itself)

But this time something different happened.

These young parents had supportive people. The new grandparents sat them down. At least one of you needs to go to college, we’ll pay. The young man was chosen to go first. It was tough and they worked as they did it. They lived in family dorms. While other 21 year olds were at frat parties, they changed diapers and paid bills. Finally, he graduated, then she did.

She now has her masters degree in social work. So does he.

She works with teen mothers. He is a councillor.

And now their eldest, the child who blessed this family 22 years ago, also graduates.

Congratulations to my handsome nephew, Jordan, my sister and brother-in-law, and to my loving parents.

All of you inspire me.

Yet still…

The children are busy, the bills are paid, the emails are returned, the orders are filled. The house is clean, even the closets. The fire is on, the animals cared for. Dinner is ready, so is desert, I’ve also made some muffins for the morning.

Yet still, still the paper on my desk remains blank.